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Currently Reading : Doomsday Book – Connie Willis

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Nice one me old China!

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imagesIntelligent horse-sized insectoid aliens, faster-than-light propulsion, androids, organic technology, warpspace, clones, advanced bionics, nanotech notepaper, flying microcameras, projected holographic adverts, a diasporic human race spread across galaxies and tracing its roots back to a mythical home planet, a pan-galactic language, space-adapted monotheism, artificial yet sentient intelligences and an essay on what language even is!

Or put another way…Embassytown…holy fuck!

Compiling a Gig Guide in the Internet age.

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iu1. Go to venue FB page to find out what they have booked and find that their event list is four months out of date.

2. Check page for posters, posts or other timeline info to no avail.

3. Wonder if you are on an out of date page and search the venue again with wider parameters.

4. Find that they have three other pages.

5. ….and a live music group.

6. Which hasn’t been updated since November 2016.

7. Repeat 1 and 2 for other pages to no effect.

8. Search for their website and find that it too is two years out of date and was mainly used to promote the big screen TV events.

9. Remember that the landlord sometimes posts on his personal page.

10. Try to remember name of landlord.

11. Find his page and notice gig info has just been posted.

12. ….for a band playing tonight.

13.  Write gig guide that you know is only half the story.

14. Wait for general criticism, “why do you never mention my venue” type comments and wait for moaning on local forum that this town doesn’t support live music.

15. Dispair.

16. Repeat the following week.

Chinese Restaurant menu items that sound like titles of Cocteau Twins Songs

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BY SCOTT HEIM

Crackling Prawns In Orange Flavor
Mermaid’s Tresses
Pistachio Honey and Aspic
Manila Clams On Broccoli Bed
Ginger Angelica
Sugar Vinegar Hairtail
The Palace Quick-Fries a Bean Curd
Bitter Gourd Grasping
Sour Sour Pinecone Fish
Strange Flavor Curd Thread
Abalone Legend
Slip Away the Chicken Slice
Side of Pickled Lantern Chillies
Taihu Ozymandias
The Three Freshnesses of Earth
Firecracker Cod In Soy-Sherry Sauce
Our Aromatic Lychee Sorbet
God With Vanilla