As I did my usual trawl of the book, record and charity shops last week I had the sneaking suspicion that something a bit unusual was happening. Not only was the town busier than usual it seems full of pre-pubescent female teens in chav-ish attire, more tracksuits than a Romford sports bar or a theme disco in Harlow. Something was up. Brushing my way through the queues of expectant halflings I managed to get to a coffee shop to hide from the ghastliness of the squeals and screeching and on asking what was taking place was informed that Peter Andre, that well known smug bastard and one time singer of cheesy pop dross was in town to launch his new fragrance.

Over a large Americano I wondered to myself how many people had found themselves getting ready on a Saturday night thinking “if only someone would blend a fragrance that captures the olfactory delights that we associate with South-East Queensland and a Cypriot household.” Not many i would wager.